Photos!

my favorite one so far...

Huge Update

Sooo much has been going on and I can't get motivated to work, so I'll sneak this update in.

Chad and I are not together anymore, since the beginning of the month. No more details on that here.

The kids and I have a great little apartment and we're adjusting okay. This is hard! Haleigh's been acting out a little more, but she's been through some big changes and hey, she's almost 3 years old so I guess that's to be expected. Hayden is my little sumo wrestler... 13lbs 2oz and 24 inches tall at just 2 months old. He's about ready to sit up at the table and eat with us. I'm still exclusively nursing/pumping for him and I'm so freaking proud that he's so healthy and it's all from me.

If you know a single mom, send her flowers or call her and tell her she's doing a great job, because this is the hardest thing I've ever done. Emotionally, physically, mentally, it is so draining. I feel horrible because I watch the clock in the evening, just waiting for 7:30 so Haleigh can go to bed and I can sit down for two minutes. She is a ball of energy and I feel like I'm failing because I just can't keep up with her some nights. And I've always got something on my mind, a grocery list or planning a meal, because the responsibility is all on me. I have to make sure she gets dinner and a bath, I have to get her up in the morning, clean, dressed, breakfasted and out the door on time. I have to make sure I have baby tylenol because I can't just run out and grab some when Hayden is sore and cranky from his shots. I used to run my errands at night after they'd go to bed and now I have to be creative in when I go to the bank, or pick up a few groceries.

I'm a little stressed! And my milk supply is apparently affected by stress. So is my hair and its ability to stay on my head! And why is Hayden getting up at 4am now?

2 Months Old

Big Boy wearing a 6-month size sleeper...



Yeah, I'm cute



You want a smile? Here ya go!



Happy 2 Months Hayden!

Something nicer to read...

Had a much nicer day today :o)

I had scheduled my 6-week postbaby appointment for 9:30 this morning, and arranged to meet my cousin and her new baby at the mall at 11. Lying in bed last night, I started freaking out about this because how was I going to make Haleigh's limited good mood last from 9:30 through lunch, play time at the mall, and at least two nursing sessions with Hayden?? AND possibly no nap???

I was so close to calling my grandparents at 8:30am and asking them to take Haleigh for the morning so I could have a peaceful dr. appointment. Because how do you stop your child from opening cabinets in an exam room when you're sitting up on a table naked under a paper napkin, afraid to move because yes the dr. knocks, but she doesn't PAUSE after that knock, and would no doubt see everything. I always wonder what they would do if I took my own bathrobe to one of those appointments.

But I digress. Haleigh was well-behaved! Luckily, they have child locks on the cabinets so all I had to do was bust out the Teddy Grahams and water bottle and I was good to go for at least 10 minutes. Too bad it took the dr. 20 minutes to find my exam room.

But Haleigh was still good because I asked her every 30 seconds or so to check on Hayden who was sleeping in his carseat on the floor next to me. She'd give me a full report every time: he is sleeping, with his eyes closed, and his mouth closed, and has a blanket, a blue and yellow blanket, and he doesn't eat Teddy Grahams, because he only drinks mommy's milk, and I like milk, do you have any milk for me mommy, okay can we get some?

Time to complain a bit - Photo in post below from earlier

So I've had a fever of over 101 on and off since Wednesday night with overall flu-like symptoms and just general cruddyness feeling. I didn't think to call the dr. because the Ibuprofen was working and Friday I felt fine without any meds. Of course this morning my right boob is on fire and the fever returns. On a Saturday.

Chad just picked up the antibiotics the on-call dr. called in for me and I should feel better sometime in the middle of the night. Why am I up now? To eat something with the antibiotics and to write this out so I feel a little better. It helps. And it's my blog.

I was not feeling well most of the day today, but still had both kiddos ALL DAY by myself. And had to take them to Toys 'R' Us for an ahem last minute gift (Happy Birthday Hannah!) that Haleigh picked out herself. That half hour or so was the ONLY time she wasn't spouting sass and jumping around like a maniac. And I swear I didn't give her ANY sugar besides the cinnamon applesauce she had with lunch. And she has that all the time and doesn't freak out like this.

She just knows how to push my buttons now. And I've been trying, really TRYING, to pay her equal or more attention than I do Hayden, but the younger is attached to a boob probably 20 hours out of the day! Okay not really, but his long nap is at the same time as hers so we don't even get quality time then either. He put himself on that schedule... I think he's already trying to piss her off.

So this evening, after she wouldn't eat much for dinner, and I was feeding Hayden on the couch, she proceeds to bring her over-half-full cup of milk from dinner across the livingroom to the bookshelf. Her water bottle is supposed to stay on that shelf so she doesn't set it on the couch and knock it over and it leaks and leaks until I find it an hour later EMPTY.

Anyways! I ask her, from the couch with baby attached, in an up-beat tone, "Hey would ya leave that milk on your table there because I don't want it to spill." Her response as she CONTINUES to walk toward the shelf? "Uhhh... no." And her doll stroller was sitting directly in front of the shelf so I knew she'd have to reach far to even get it up on the shelf... she got it halfway onto the shelf. And milk went everywhere. I didn't have time to unattach baby, lie him down without burping (yikes) and stop her. Though I did have to unattach baby in a hurry, lie him down without burping (all okay) and clean up milk EVERYWHERE all over her toys, the carpet, MY books, photo albums and sheet music on the bottom shelf... apparently I should move those more important things.

So she had time-out for three minutes, and she calmed down faster than I thought she would. I was very angry and I think she was scared of me the way I came flying across the room, so she sat there and bawled while I cleaned up. I didn't even touch her though, just zoomed past and started moving things still in the milk's path. We hugged and said I love you and she went back to play, Hayden went back to eating (of course he did!).

Shortly after things were back to normal - normal meaning sass and attitude - Chad called to say he'd be about another hour and I just broke down. I really needed someone else there for her to be mean to and take advantage of. So he came home and she went to bed early. So did Hayden and I. What a day.

monkey shirt!


first smile on camera!

1 Month Old

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